New York, I Love You

View from The New Yorker Hotel

View from The New Yorker Hotel

I wanted to leave the room quietly and close the door behind me so I flew away, to New York. Although it was just for one week, it was enough to rejuvenate and reflect on things behind the door and things in the new room. Manhattan seemed to be the perfect place for it, "concrete jungle where dreams are made of."

I arrived into New York's bitter wind and sharp cold embraces with a hefty smile. I ran and struggled against the force of the Atlantic wind as if I were a lover of the Arctic Circle, imagining scenes of serendipity with the man of my dreams. Had I passed him earlier in my travels somewhere in the world? Is he getting off the train I am on? Is he holding someone he loves or is he also looking for me too?

The romantic notion of New York City is  embroidered into the weaves of my dream life, my short previous life here as well as my life with television series and movies I have watched from childhood to now. They aren't just movies, they too are my memories. I secretly hope that someone is also waiting for me on top of The Empire State Building or at Brooklyn Bridge or at the Central Park Ice Rink with my lost glove. Or that he appears while I have lunch at The Chrysler or would walk into an East Village cafe and sit beside me, we'd strike up a conversation and live happily ever after.

Central Park View From The Metropolitan Museum

Upper East Side, Central Park

Upper East Side, Central Park

Inside The Metropolitan Museum View Of Roof

In the city's landscapes where so many places have been iconised by tales of love of the big, the bad and the beautiful it is hard not to forgive one's entire lust for for love and romance.The city breathes your breath like a lover whispering sweet nothings into your mouth. Seducing you with feelings of ecstasy and euphoria, then in a whim, it sucks the life out of you, leaving you small and feckless in a big city with giants towering over the insignificance of you. 

But people like me with strong faith in (guardian) angels see signs in the snow fall that dances on you and around you like notes from heaven, floating like feathers, each with a different message, covering everything in white, changing your whole perspective and covering all your woes and preoccupations with its gentle but cold kisses on the surfaces of your face.

Bus Window

Lafeyette/ Broadway

East Village

1st Ave, East Village

I revisited the places of my past in New York, from my old apartments in Sullivan St to the one on East 4th & Avenue A to dive bars and food places I used to eat in, séancing old ghosts of friends and lovers, and the old me, who was younger, freer, unbruised and pure of wrinkles and skin flaws. I hear their voices and laughter and feel the way they moved around me and gyrate in their youthful glee.

My Old Apartment East 4th Street/ Avenue A

As I walked across St Mark's Place, I remembered a lover I had met in New York. We fell in love one night after a party in someone's apartment because he had lost his bag. I reassured him that if something is lost, then it is regrettable but unfortunately it is probably gone forever and there is no point in worrying about it if it is gone. It can be replaced and then everything would be fine again. But I really liked that bag, he said, all the things inside, they meant a lot to me. I said, if it was very important to you, you wouldn't have lost it. He saw how it made sense to enjoy the moment, because time always moves, things are always lost, things always happen and time still moves whether you laugh or cry. So why cry… just close the door, another will open...

The Prince turned into a frog and as did all that followed but I never learned to laugh instead of cry when I lost them. When you are in love, nothing else seems to matter but when it ends the bliss that once was is tripled in pain. It is always hard to just forget them when things go up in flames, they only turn to ash and they blow away into dust, perhaps reincarnate into a new thing...

Lucky Envelopes I gave to people I met

Old Lovers sitting right next to me on subway

The best thing about New York City is how it really doesn't matter if you are happy or sad, mad or sane, you can just turn up at a noodle bar or a fine dinning restaurant, eat something on your own, go to a dive bar and always make friends for the evening. People seem to accept one another, whether they are good or bad, its OK to be whatever it is you are or want to be or have become.

Sophie's East 5th Street/ Avenue A

My favourite night was with a bunch of strangers at Sophie's on East 5th Street. Most people had arrived at the bar on their own and everyone began to talk to one another. We all even ordered take outs and shared it along the bar. This would never be allowed, never mind happen in London!

Queens

New York's subway hums of damp and urine. Its structure is rotting from the days of 'Bad' and even before but seems to be as efficient as ever. I love it when a band is playing or when I found a lone man drawing on the strings of a cello to Bach's notes. It echoed the whole station until the metal trains ran by and diluted the sounds, but he would continue and continue. It always passes.

Lucien Freud, The Metropolitan Museum

Brooklyn Bridge

As for asking directions, people are ever so kind, they really make sure you understand and there is often a very happy smile on New Yorkers when they feel like they have helped you. I love New York. I love striking a cigarette on the cold streets with New Yorkers. You can be very alone here, but there are many times when you don't have to be.

My favourite New York finds

(There was not enough meals in the day to fit everything I wanted to fit in)

Omai 158 9th Ave # 1  New York, NY 10011-4912

 - Vietnamese, I didn't try pho, but the noodle salads are amazing. Great balance of flavours

Bathtub Gin 132 9th Ave (between 18th St & 19th St) New York, NY 10011

 - Bar, cool, hip and lots of fun

Sophies's  509 E 5th St, New York, NY 10003

-Dive Bar, meet the love of your life or friends here

Megu   Trump World Tower 845 UN Plaza New York, NY 10017

- Japanese Fine Dinning, I went for Restaurant Week - such good value and the freshest, most amazing food - one of the best meals ever!

Sushi Samba 245 Park Avenue South  Manhattan, NY 10003

- Peruvian/ Brazilian Japanese Fusion - fantastic tasting sushi and ceviche. Was so good, we kept ordering more and more

Momofuku  171 1st Avenue New York, ny 10003 |

- Noodle Bar - quite expensive in the end but nice noodles, nothing amazing though

Freemans 8 Rivington St  New York, NY 10002

 - Brunch - nice for a rainy day, its dark but comfortable, great to go with a group of freinds

Luke's Lobster 93 E 7th St # A, New York, NY

-Snack- very expensive for 2 or 3 bites of a roll and you're done but as its treat, its well worth it

Snack Taverna 63 Bedford Street, New York, NY 10014

Nice breakfast/ brunch/ lunch

Snack Taverna

Love, In The Time Of The Supper Club

My name is Leluu, I have a supper club. People have heard about my supper club and they email me to book a place, and I say, yes, do come along.

I spend all day cooking an 8 course dinner for about 25 or so people (with my lovely mum), perhaps once a week. They make friends at the communal table, drink a lot of wine and enjoy what I give them to eat. Sometimes, the atmosphere is electric - a stunning combination of people with like minds and a hungry enthusiasm to meet others, to expand circles, to share and to give.

I have had the most amazing times running these nights. I've been blessed and filled with wonderful compliments and I keep seeing the same faces time after time and make wonderful friends with my guests.

I am so lucky to have such a great job. I've met people who were exactly like me in every sense in thought and spirit. I've met people who have showed me things I didn't know and given me more than I had anticipated. I've built long lasting friendships with people who care for me like I am a sister to them and have given forgiven my misgivings. This is what I wanted when I started the supper club without ever expecting it and for it to last two years and a bit.

And when I have been in love in these times, I am proud to show this person what I have created, brick by brick and I loved sharing them with my guests. Drinking wine at the end of the night with the person I loved with strangers in my house, making jokes, giving insights, revealing themselves to other strangers.

And when the strangers leave, it would just be the two of us, in midst of the music still blearing from the Bose, bouncing its acoustic magic upon a kiss, a proud cuddle, turn off the table lamps and lets go to bed.

But, 'buts' are inevitable for me, there have been many times when there isn't someone to love and it almost feels the saddest, loneliest thing to have all these people come round for dinner and at the end of the night, I gather the glasses into a bucket (ready for the dishwasher), the clinks it makes when staked one on top of another echos with the sweet tunes of Moon River and clonks of my high heels on the laminate flooring, my only company. Except for my loyal and gracious dogs who bounce around in relief that all the guests have filtered through and they can reclaim their space.

I am left with Twitter feeds, late night television and chews of the night's random leftovers. Perhaps I would eat a dessert someone hadn't  touched or open a packet of ramen.

"Once, I wanted to be the greatest", perhaps more than once, every time I fell in love, perhaps too many times, perhaps too willingly when "no wind or weather fall could stop me" but came a flood and it was an illusion or foolishness. For sure, love, is my addiction, I feel rancid withdrawals without it and therefore, it must be a bad thing to love, or to love too much, for sure to love someone more than yourself.

Brick by brick, step by step, one always move further away from the abolition of it, detox and everything is fixed until, another one comes along and you can not resist.

The cycle starts.

The show must go on...
*Catpower = The Greatest

Love & Other Afflictions: The Bill

Who pays on the first date? The man, I would say and most of my friends would agree. Especially if he suggests the place and orders the wine. In my twenties, I was all about being an independent woman, who would pay for her own way, even dinner dates and drinks because I wanted to be in control. Nope, I was wrong and I was with boys who just took advantage of my generosity. (I even stupidy paid for boys to go on holiday with me - and its not to say its because I was wealthy, because I am not!).

A lot of women think that if they let the man pay the bill then they owe something to him, perhaps a night or more dates. Now in my thirties, I think I may have wised up a little, I offer to pay half of the bill if there is no consensus that he should pay it all.

But to be honest, if he pays it, he wins in my book, I would happily pay on the second date if he's any good. He looses many points if he doesn't. Its just the way it is.
"Did he pay?" Would be one of the first questions a friend would ask afterwards.
If yes, then,"O good, is he good looking? Is he nice?"
If no, she would (all) say, "dump him."

I don't want to be spending my future with someone, be it long term or short term and dividing up money. The worse is when the bill comes, he says, you had more wine than me, plus a dessert so I only owe this much. Gah! This actually happens a lot! This is where I say - forget it - !

Chivalry should not be forgotten. Opening doors and general politeness goes a long way. And girls always love to receive flowers! Very Good. Thank you! More Please!

Love & Other Afflictions: First Kiss

The Look Of Love - (Upcoming Art Exhibition By Leluu & Fatine)

That moment, the moment at the end of the night when its time to go home… comes the moment of awkwardness. Is he going to kiss me? Is he not going to kiss me? Where will he kiss me? How shall I behave? Is my breath smelling ok?

The worst is when you are not so into the person and they are really keen. He is having full helm of the situation despite you giving him all the No- please-don't-touch-me signals. He goes for it and most of the times when you least expect it like whilst crossing the road or whilst you are in the middle of giving him the cold shoulder with some speech about how busy you are and your heads crash into each other or his teeth bangs onto your lips or he simply ends up licking your face. Yuck! Sometimes you don't know whether to kiss him back to be polite or deck him. (Depends on how dry your season is I guess).

Sometimes, he doesn't try to kiss you at all and you think? What the hell? I am never brave enough to kiss him. So I just let it be. If he doesn't get in contact, then its because he didn't want to kiss you in the first place. No point rushing it and making a jack arse of yourself. Plenty of fish…in the…(wait! even fish is getting limited)!

But when you fancy the guy and he asks if he can kiss you or kisses you at the right moment, when you are ready and its brilliant. Its just brilliant! More brilliant if his eyes are closed, he caresses your hair and holds your face and kisses slowly and nicely - (not like he's trying to dig his way down to Australia)!

And he goes home and you go home. Both smiling. And you can smell him on your face. Hmmm. : ) Knowing there will be a second date.