Thursday, 31 March 2011
I've been watching Lily Allen: From Riches To Rags about her shop, 'Lucy In Disguise' on and off and was totally annoyed by her setting up the shop. Largely because I was jealous I didn't have the cash she had to hire all the man power, the hype and PR that is needed - I did everything with my own hands, from scratch and with absolutely no funding whatsoever, relying on friends to fill the cracks in the walls, to drill shelves into the walls and so on.
However, glad she did it in the end, looks like a lovely shop though, not a huge fan of hers but always love her first album as I played it often in Earlham Street. One day, she walked past but never came in. She was still wearing those horrible trainers back then.
On a different note, I was very moved by her miscarriage, being so late in her pregnancy, this must have just been devastating. In her words, "something like this changes a person," and I know exactly what she means.
Miscarriage is such a taboo, it is something that no one talks about, no one shares their feelings about, no one dares mention it. Sometimes the woman prefers it that way, if you have one, it is not really something to write home about. Even though you can carry the pain and the grief inside you for so long, you just have to bury it deep inside you and close the doors - lock it from the top, the middle and the bottom. Cry in the bathroom on your own, look yourself in the eye in the mirror to pull yourself together.
To miss someone you've never met, but was growing inside of you is something maybe miscarried women can only understand. According to The Miscarriage Association, one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage - thats about 250,000 miscarriages in the UK each year, and yet there is a huge wall of silence around it. Its so awkward, to someone else, its like opening a whole can of worms.
There are so many unknown reasons why miscarriages happen. Most of the times, the doctors just don't know what it is or how it happened, and you can go around retracing your steps for years and years wondering what you may have done, what could it be that was your fault.
But sometimes, what is worse is how some people regret for the whole of their lives the time they had an abortion for their reasons at the time that become so meaningless in the scheme of things.
Life is so precious, only when you create it you will know it. When something is precious, you only know how precious if you lose it. My heart goes out to Lily and one in four pregnant women who have had a miscarriage and a prayer for our lost souls.